Bummer Sauce....

First off, this isn't a recipe...it is just what is going on these days for me and my family...a nice ladle full of bummer sauce.  

Back in January I let all my followers in on some big surgeries that were ahead for me.  I've had them both and am sorta, kinda...mostly recovered from the second surgery; the brain surgery.  The surgery was performed and went as expected however, during my recovery I started to have some trouble.  I reported it to my surgeon and his staff and we all kept a close eye on it.  Most recently they ordered a MRI of my brain and c-spine again to ascertain exactly what was going on inside my head.  This is what they found...

Don't be alarmed...the white blob is simply cerebral spinal fluid (some people thought it was a tumor when they saw it...it is not a tumor) that is stuck...for lack of a better word...in the back of my head.  When I first complained about the swelling at the site of my surgery I was assured that it was SO early in my recovery that whatever was going on would most likely go away.  But, it never did.  In March when I brought it to their attention again they ordered a CT scan while I was in the office.  There was fluid in there alright.  The solution would have been to admit me do a lumbar tap drain for 3 days hoping that it would resolve the collection of fluid.  I didn't like the sound of that and after all...it had only been 1 month and 3 days since my surgery...  He ordered a MRI (the one pictured above) and the appointment was set for the evening of the 24th and the results came from the doc on that Friday.  The fluid pocket has grown so much since March that a lumbar puncture won't be enough to drain that amount of fluid.  Instead, I have to have surgery...again...  

I can't tell you how UNexcited I am for this.  My parents are having their 40th anniversary celebration in June...my brother is getting married in August.  I am about to have the ability to attend at least one of these special occasions denied me, possibly both depending on what surgical date they give me.  I currently have no surgical date so, this is looming and driving me crazy.  I still have days when the pressure in the atmosphere is SO high my head feels like it is going to explode into a bajillion pieces.  But what has NOT happened is MUCH more important to me...

My family never fell apart through this...my husband has been able to take care of all of his needs, our son's and mine.  The first surgery didn't kill me...or paralyze me.  Quite frankly....on the days when the atmospheric pressure isn't jarring my head...I feel wonderful.  I still get tired quickly, but...it hasn't even been 3 months since the surgery yet!  Some people can take up to 6 months to recover from this surgery.  I have a confident feeling in my heart that this next surgery won't take my life either.  I just wonder what I am meant to learn through this process...I'm trying to keep my eyes wide open and my heart filled with hope.

I also feel I should publicly acknowledge all of the friends and family that have had to endure endless phone calls, texts and emails because I was stuck in bed, lonely with nothing else to do when my Mister was at work and the Sprout was in daycare.  They (DEFINITELY) know who they are, and I suppose they are tired of it all...but I hope they will accept my apologies and forgive me.  I can't even remember everything I would talk about while trying to keep them all on the phone just a little bit longer, but there is no doubt in my mind some of it ended up being nonsensical and boring.  I owe them all a great debt of gratitude and I feel blessed to have them in my life.  I hope they will bear with me for round two of this adventure...  *crosses my fingers and all crossable body parts*

The plan is as follows...when they open me up again they will use the same incision as the original surgery, they will remove the fluid from the back of my head, replace the dura patch they applied in the first procedure (I hope they use super glue this time!!), staple me shut after inserting a drainage tube for trace amounts of blood that may be there and they are placing a lumbar drainage tube as well just to make sure to cover all of the bases.  I am told that the recovery will be shorter, possibly less painful as there is no bone grinding or removals this go 'round.  I certainly am thankful for that!!  

I will keep you all posted on how things turn out...as of now I am still not allowed to lift and until my next surgery is completed and I am fully recovered that will remain unchanged.  Not being able to lift my son has actually been the WORST side affects from this surgery.  Everything else I could take...but that...that is still killing me inside.  I'm just glad he may be too young to remember this year in his life and I keep praying it won't affect him emotionally.  

Finally, thank you to all my followers and readers for being so patient...waiting for me to get back into the game.  I'm sorry it is turning out to be a much longer process than I ever dreamed it would be, but know that when I am able to pick up with my flogging again things will start getting awesome up in here again!  Love you all!